A place of acceptance

20.7.13

Many of you are aware how much I have been struggling with being over here, particularly since we hit the 6 month mark and I realised just how much longer we have got to be here with all the struggles and difficulties!  I hoped that our holiday would give me a new sense of hope and lift my spirits but in fact, returning after a wonderful relaxing break made me feel more heavy hearted.  We came back to long power cuts, dribbly showers in the dark, food overrun by ants and our bank accounts missing online and I was beginning to feel that I was slipping over the edge, as I felt joyless and lifeless. 

However, this week a few things have happened to turn that around and for the first time in ages, I have felt more positive and upbeat and have a sense of hope again – for which I am thankful to God.  I also hope that my reflections on this week will be a source of encouragement for you too, especially those of you going through troubles of your own. 

Messengers of hope

The first thing that God used to lift my spirits was a wonderful email of encouragement from Emily along with the words and link to a beautiful hymn (I’ll include the words of the hymn at the end of this post).  Having reflected on Emily’s message and the hymn it has made me realise that home comforts aren’t everything and that God is using this time to teach me that he is enough for me – in fact all week I keep reading things that say ‘God is enough’ so I know he is trying to tell me something! 

It also made me realise that it is not right to wish my time here away – that time and life are precious even if things are hard, and that I must appreciate each moment.  I think I have been looking at the UK through rose coloured spectacles since living here and thinking ‘if only I was back in England, everything would be ok’.  I had a real sense that God said to me, ‘Do you REALLY think everything would be wonderful if you were living and working in England?’  Since having the internet we have been able to watch the BBC news most days and as we sit shouting at the computer screen, just as we used to shout at the TV when we were back home, it makes us realise that the UK is certainly not without its issues!!

I have realised afresh that life is never without its problems and ups and downs wherever you live and I am once again aware of the people I love back home going through difficulties that are different to mine but just as hard to deal with.   In all their problems the home comforts can’t help them but thankfully God can!

Things could be a lot worse!

Someone said to me a few weeks ago, ‘Always remember things could be a lot worse!’  I laughed at the time but it is true – we do have so much to be thankful for and although I don’t want to become ‘Pollyanna-ish’ I do want to count my blessings every day.  I am so thankful that we are not living under oppression or persecution, that we have freedom and resources to occasionally have a break from this life (something most people here never get), that we live in a nice home compared to most here, that we have plenty to eat, enough money to live on and spare to give away, that we are wonderfully supported and loved by all our friends and family back home and best of all that God loves us and has a purpose for us in being here. 

 I heard a sermon on Wednesday in which the preacher said that we can’t judge whether or not God is with us via our senses – if we look at our circumstances things can look bleak and we can imagine God has forgotten us but if we need to experience God’s presence in our spirits and then no matter what the circumstances we can find peace and joy. 

Fasting from the West

Another email this week from a fellow Mission Partner also encouraged me.  My friend quoted from a book she is reading about pilgrimages and it said,

'this kind of journey is a kind of a fast, a denial of self as an act of spiritual obedience. When Jesus went to the desert, he was tested in three ways: provision, relationships and power and when we choose to go on a journey/pilgrimage/mission we must face these same three issues. There's the rejection of material worries; we aren't particularly wealthy, so when we go on a trip we have to count the cost, and decide to go even though it may cause us financial difficulties. Secondly, there's a voluntary surrendering of our relationships; we have to separate our selves from our family and loved ones. And finally, there's a refusal to take power; we're not going 'in strength' to offer something of ourselves, instead we're going in weakness and in a denial of personal power.'

Before we even came to Guyana we felt that God was calling us to fast from the West for this period of time and there is no doubt that it is hard to deal with at times and I do feel like an alien in a strange land.  But as Emily said in her message, ‘…it's supposed to be hard, because that's what makes it worthwhile.’

Cats and daughters

Another profound thought came from an unexpected place this week as I have been reading a book about cats and daughters!  The author goes to stay with her daughter in Sri Lanka living amongst the poor and writes a description of the Western tourists she observes at a tea plantation.  She talks about they huddle together for safety in this alien environment and ‘reassure each other that theirs is the real world.’

She observes them in a frenzy in the café and gift shop eating everything in sight and buying up the shop and says that they are ‘Hungry, always hungry for food and shopping’  And then talking about people in a consumerist culture she says they are ‘…not fully alive, incapable of appreciating the present moment…in a constant state of rage and desire.’  That really challenged me because I realised that’s just what I have been like in feeling I need nice food and drink to survive and that I haven’t been appreciating the present moment but always looking forward to a supposed better day coming.  I don’t want to live my life like that and wish it away. 

Embracing the positive

I realise that I have been quite negative and full of self pity over the past few weeks and have said sorry to God for that – I also apologise to you my readers if you have got fed up of hearing about it all and thank you for your patient support!

I have been constantly praying for God to take this ‘cup’ away from me and let me go home but this week I feel I have come to a place of acceptance and although I would be delighted if for some reason we had to be pulled out and sent home, I am going to try once again to take up my cross willingly and as cheerfully as I can! 

The difficulties, frustrations and irritations have not gone away (and in fact since the first draft of this blog things seem to have become even more annoying – including our internet getting cut off – hence the delay in uploading this post!) but I am trusting God to help me through each day and I pray he continues to do so – I certainly can’t do this on my own.  Despite the ups and downs of this journey I am so thankful for all the signs of God’s grace this week and all the different ways he has spoken to me, challenged me and comforted me.  I pray that as you listen to this hymn and read the words they may be a comfort and a challenge to you too.  Please email me if you want to share any thoughts or needs for prayer with me – I always love to hear from people!

 

PS We are going to our first Guyanese wedding on Saturday so that will be the subject of my next post!!  

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3iU8yXzsejc 

Jesus, I My Cross Have Taken

1. Jesus, I my cross have taken,
All to leave and follow Thee.
Destitute, despised, forsaken,
Thou from hence my all shall be.
Perish every fond ambition,
All I’ve sought or hoped or known.
Yet how rich is my condition!
God and heaven are still my own.

2. Let the world despise and leave me,
They have left my Savior, too.
Human hearts and looks deceive me;
Thou art not, like them, untrue.
O while Thou dost smile upon me,
God of wisdom, love, and might,
Foes may hate and friends disown me,
Show Thy face and all is bright.

3. Man may trouble and distress me,
’Twill but drive me to Thy breast.
Life with trials hard may press me;
Heaven will bring me sweeter rest.
Oh, ’tis not in grief to harm me
While Thy love is left to me;
Oh, ’twere not in joy to charm me,
Were that joy unmixed with Thee.

4. Go, then, earthly fame and treasure,
Come disaster, scorn and pain"
In Thy service, pain is pleasure,
With Thy favor, loss is gain
I have called Thee Abba Father,
I have stayed my heart on Thee
Storms may howl, and clouds may gather;
All must work for good to me.

5. Soul, then know thy full salvation
Rise o’er sin and fear and care
Joy to find in every station,
Something still to do or bear.
Think what Spirit dwells within thee,
Think what Father’s smiles are thine,
Think that Jesus died to win thee,
Child of heaven, canst thou repine.

6. Haste thee on from grace to glory,
Armed by faith, and winged by prayer.
Heaven’s eternal days before thee,
God’s own hand shall guide us there.
Soon shall close thy earthly mission,
Soon shall pass thy pilgrim days,
Hope shall change to glad fruition,
Faith to sight, and prayer to praise