Historical roots
Marriage is actually not highly regarded in Afro-Guyanese
culture and I have discovered that this reluctance to marry has shameful
historical roots. Apparently,
plantation owners used to forbid their African slaves to marry each other and
yet they forced them to breed children to increase their ‘stock’. This tendency to have children (often by a
variety of partners) has lingered to this day and so Guyana has more than its
fair share of households consisting of a mother and a clutch of children, often
from different fathers. Men often have
to work away overseas, in the interior or at sea so a family with a man
involved is a rarity.
Sadly,
this cultural tendency has meant the spread of AIDS and sexually transmitted
diseases as well as resulting in the majority of children growing up without a
hands on father.
One
element of my job description is to enhance family life and part of that
involves encouraging healthy relationships, commitment and enriching those
marriages that do exist. In June we ran
a marriage enrichment day, teaching about issues such as good communication,
resolving conflict, good sex and dealing with in-laws! We had 6 couples attending (eventually -
they drifted in throughout the morning!) and those who came seemed to find the
day helpful. It seems that in this culture
it is not the norm to talk about feelings and share emotionally with each other
so this day may have been a complete paradigm shift for some of them.
Engagement
We
were invited to attend an engagement party and Mark was asked to lead a short
blessing ceremony. As usual we were
confused by the way social events run here – it was meant to start at 4pm and
we had told them we were going to be late as Mark had another meeting that was
booked before this was arranged.
So
we arrived at 5pm and still hardly anyone was there! Finally we got going with the ceremony at about 6pm! Meanwhile, guests that were arriving just
sat around tables, not talking because the music was too loud to hear each
other! I took a photo of the bank of
speakers to show you how over the top they are for a normal garden! The DJ told Mark they are 7000 watts! Talk about overkill! They are big enough to fill a huge football
stadium with sound and it is beyond comprehension why they need so much noise
at small parties – it is painful to be near the speakers and kills all
conversation and socialising. I don’t
think we will ever get used to that element of life here – no-one we talk to
seems to like the loud music, especially at night, and yet no-one does anything
about it!
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| The engaged couple cutting their cake |
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| The 7000 watt bank of speakers - is it any wonder we never get any sleep?! |
Kwe Kwe
This is apparently a Guyanese tradition celebrated the night before a wedding. The bride’s female family and friends party at her home, and the groom’s at his home. At this party they eat, drink and dance, and traditionally, the older members of the family advise the bride and groom about marriage and sex! Then at midnight, the bride has to hide somewhere in the house and the groom and his friends come to her house and search for her! Eventually they all go home to catch a bit of sleep! No doubt this late partying contributes to the late arrival of the bride at the wedding!! J
Our first Guyanese wedding
Mark took his first wedding last Saturday and it was an
interesting experience! The wedding was
meant to start at 3.30pm and, to be fair, the groom, his best man, and
‘groomsmaids’ (they have small children attending the groom as well) arrived at
3pm as we arrived.
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| The groom, his best man and attendants arrive |
The bride has to pay a late fee to the minister before the
ceremony which is returned if she is on time!
(Or within about half an hour!).
This was introduced as ministers were regularly waiting around for up to
3 hours for brides to appear! The fee
is only about £20 but that is a lot to couples here – Saturday’s bride
forfeited her fee as she didn’t arrive until about 5pm!
In
the lead up to the arrival of the bride, the church slowly filled up with
bridesmaids. Mark had been told that
there would be 22 bridesmaids, which we thought was a lot, then at the
rehearsal, 33 turned up, and on the day I counted 54! There were definitely more than that but I lost count and extras
kept turning up all through the ceremony!
I have never seen so many bridesmaids!
What
intrigued us was that the chapel was full of bridesmaids and groomsmen, but
none of the couple’s family came to the service. We were told that people don’t generally go to people’s wedding
services but just wait at the reception for them to appear and start the
party! We have expressed our concern
about this that the service and the making of vows is the most important part
of the day so everyone should attend and people seem to think we are suggesting
something strange and new!
We
have explained that in England even people who are not Christians or church
goers would consider it rude to just turn up to the reception without attending
the service first. We were also shocked
that during the ceremony, the bridesmaids and groomsmen seemed completely
disinterested in what was happening – many were on their phones, chatting to
each other or sitting looking completely bored. One man asked Mark how long it would take before he could get to
the party and Mark said, ‘The party can start once the important part is
done!’ It felt to me that there was no
respect or dignity about the proceedings and hope that one day I might
understand.
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| The beginning of the line of bridesmaids and pageboys |
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| I couldn't resist these two little cuties! |
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| More of the bridesmaid line up! |
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| The arrival of the bride - only an hour and a half late! |
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| A chapel full of bridesmaids - and no family! |
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| As you can see they look riveted! NOT! |
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| They look like they really didn't want to be there. :-( |
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| A video clip showing the line of bridesmaids |
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| During the ceremony |
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| The happy couple |
Our
forthcoming anniversary!
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| 6th August 1983! We were SO young! |
While
on the subject of love and marriage, I just want to let you know that we are
celebrating our 30th anniversary on 6th August! To celebrate we have already had our nice
holiday but on the day we have booked a night at a local hotel so that we can
have a (hopefully) nice meal and a hot shower!
A rare treat! Here’s to the next
30 years – I hope they are not all as dramatic as this last year has been! J
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