Coming back to England

We are still in England on compassionate leave as Mark’s Dad was diagnosed with lung cancer in June and has been getting steadily worse. My Mum and Emily were staying with us in Guyana in September so we travelled back with them on 22^nd September and are staying in Bedford for the time being. 

This break has come at a good time for us and has enabled us to reflect and take stock of things.  Those of you who have been following my blog will have realised that things have not been easy for us – I have always tried to be as positive as possible in my writing but you can’t fail to have noticed that I have been struggling to veil the difficulties.  In the last couple of months things have come to a head and after discussion with the World Church Office we have all agreed that we need to curtail our appointment.  We intend to return to Guyana during November to pack up and gain some closure and will return to the UK before Christmas. 

Coming back to England has made me realise just how dry I have been – spiritually, emotionally and socially.  This has been a time of healing and restoration for us and there are many things that have brought me joy in the past few weeks – here are just a few of them…

• Sharing time with loved ones
• Having hot water showers and baths
• Eating all the food I have missed
• Constant electricity
• Not feeling hot and sweaty all the time
• Having my hair cut
• Having sign posts on the roads and predictable driving conditions
• Seeing the changing of the season and the beauty of the countryside
• Sleeping peacefully

I found a quote in a book I have been reading which says ‘Those who’ve survived periods of bleakness are often better at savouring good times and wise enough to understand that good times are actually great.’  That has certainly felt true for us in the last few weeks as we have gained so much pleasure from all the little things we used to take for granted.  I have also felt touched by so many friends and family who have shown us their love in many practical ways – giving us a place to sleep, doing our washing, feeding us, buying in treats that we have missed, praying for us, lending us things we haven’t got, looking after things for us…the list goes on and on and we can never repay these lovely people for all their kindness to us.  We so appreciate this especially at this time when we feel dry and just need to receive from others to restore our spirits.

 One of my most moving experiences was last Sunday when we went to worship at Jo and Ayo’s church in Manchester.  I cried through most of the service as it felt so moving to be there in a place where we were welcomed warmly, the worship music was played sensitively and tunefully and where the church was being what a church should be.  I introduced myself to a young girl who came and sat next to me and discovered she was a student visiting for the first time.  After the service Jo took her to meet their student co-ordinator and the girl was immediately welcomed and invited to have lunch with a family from the church – it seems strange that such a seemingly small thing moved me so deeply but having been starved of love and social interaction I just felt overwhelmed by their thoughtfulness and kindness and by seeing the people work as a team to show love to people. 

During the service I had a real sense that I needed to lay down my pride as this is such a humbling experience for me – I am used to being the one to give and help others and it doesn’t come easily to me to receive help.  A good lesson to learn! 

As for what we will do next we would appreciate your prayers.  Our resignation has been sent to the Guyana District, and once released from the World Church Office the Methodist church will try to find a ministerial appointment for Mark to take up – hopefully in January.  I will keep everyone informed as to the next step once we know what it is!  This is a wonderful time of refreshing for us but also an unsettling time as we prepare to lay down this ministry and take up a new one in the next year. 

 

 

 

You're SO white!

 

We have made some interesting observations about politics and race since being in Guyana.    As I have mentioned before, the country has a mixed racial population – predominantly East Indian (Indo-Guyanese) about 42%, then about 30% Afro-Guyanese and the rest are a mixture of Amerindian, European and Chinese.     Politically the country was under British rule until independence in 1966 when a series of Marxist Governments impoverished the country, ripped up the railway lines, banned imports, depleting natural resources etc and many people left to live in other countries.  I have mentioned before that 80% of people with degrees leave Guyana to live and work in the Caribbean, the USA, Canada and Britain which has left a ‘brain drain’ and a declining population which adds to the country’s economic and social problems.    The current political parties are deeply divided on racial grounds – although people seem to live alongside each other amicably, we have been told that there is an undercurrent of racism between the Indo and Afro Guyanese – for example Afro Guyanese won’t bother applying for a job at a business run by Indians as they say they only employ their own race.    When we moved here I was concerned about how we would be perceived being white and British and wondered if people would feel antagonistic towards us.  This has not been the case at all and everyone we have met has been very friendly and welcoming even if they are intrigued by us and our white skin and floppy hair!     We worried they might see us as symbols of oppression and colonialism.  In actual fact we have realised that we are the ones trying to help them break free from the oppression in the nation and the church and seeking to increase their self worth and enable them to rise up and be who God called them to be.  We also seek to encourage them to worship in their own vibrant style and not feel they have to do everything the way the British taught them which is a bit staid and belongs to a bygone era!  I think they realise that we love them and have their best interests at heart so most people have taken us into their hearts.    We have had some funny comments made to us… ·        One man said to Mark ‘You’re SO white’ in complete incredulity! ·        A young girl asked Mark, ‘Why are you so red?!’ ·        One of the youth said my hair looks like a mop!  That made me feel a whole lot better about the hideous condition of my hair! ·        When introducing me to some locals one of the youth said, ‘This is Sister Carolyn our pastor’s wife…she is white!’   I said to her that they could probably see that for themselves!    We have had children staring at us (I think some of the more rural communities never see a white person!) and when we go to Georgetown we are a target for all the beggars who associate white people with money.  Bearing in mind our training we try not to give money but carry around packets of biscuits and peanuts and Christian leaflets to give out!

A roller coaster week

More ups and downs this past week! 

Vacation Bible Schools

Each of Mark’s churches have run a ‘Vacation Bible School’ or VBS (what we would call a holiday club) so we have made sure that we have paid a visit to each one – we have taken along Nettie and taught them some action songs.  The local people do their best to give the children a fun time and they are given some colouring sheets and simple crafts – when I think about how we used to decorate the church for our holiday clubs and all the amazing crafts, activities and refreshments the children enjoyed, it is sad to see the few meagre resources available here.  We also noticed that the adult helpers didn’t speak to the children very much or encourage them in any way so we were trying to model that by chatting to the kids and having a bit of fun with them. 

Children colouring their sheets
 

Listening to Nettie's message!
 

 Another wedding!

Mark took another wedding last Saturday and it was about as farcical as the last one!  This time there were meant to be 55 bridesmaids who all arrived at various times up to and during the service.  The wedding was meant to start at 4pm but by 3.55 no-one had arrived – the groom came at 4.20pm (after Mark called him to find out where he was!) and the bride finally arrived about 5pm (so she forfeited her late fee!). 

 

The whole service made me really angry as the bridesmaids and groomsmen were just chatting, playing games on their phones, messing around in the church and the few family members who came along were outside the chapel shouting to each other, screeching with laughter etc throughout the service.  The bride and groom didn’t seem that bothered either: chatting during the service and even while Mark was praying for THEM.  The groom was making silly faces at people and just generally messing around and it felt that it wasn’t important to them at all.  There was no dignity or sense of occasion and it made me feel depressed. 

A small bridesmaid and groomsboy who didn't seem very happy!

Some of the 55 bridesmaids!

The bride arrives with the person who gave her away

Bored bridesmaids not participating in the service at all

Many people sat outside during the service chatting

Mark's colleague taking the legal part of the service

One of the bridesmaids with attitude - I just had to get a photo of that necklace!

 

Things that have made me feel down L

• I had a nasty bang on the head when a pole from our spare bed fell down on me and it really upset me.  I think the tears that had been building up for some time all came out and I thought I would never stop crying.
• We got stopped by the police again this week – we think he was showing off to his friends but he thought Mark was going too fast (he wasn’t – he was within the speed limit) and just wanted to show his authority.  Since the incident in the previous week I have been very nervous of the police checks – when you live somewhere with a corrupt Government and justice system you can never be sure that justice will be done even if you are innocent so have to constantly pray for God’s protection.  Also, the roads are so dangerous and we have so many near misses that it is very stressful every time we have to go anywhere, particularly into Georgetown.
• Although I keep trying to remain positive and hopeful, we constantly battle with disappointment – in fact disappointment is probably the word we would use to sum up most of our time here so far.  A friend sent me a lovely reading and it included these words which I found very encouraging:

‘You will see the fruit of your labours and you will not be disappointed forever, for your toils and struggles are not in vain.  Take refuge in the heart of my Father for he loves you and watches over you.’

I’m particularly holding onto that line, ‘You will not be disappointed forever’ because some days it feels like there will be nothing else but!   We are determined to hold on to God despite the circumstances.

Things to be thankful for! J

• For some months now I have been encouraging the church at Virginia to start some kind of lunch club to feed some of the very poor people in their village but didn’t want it to be us that did it – I wanted them to take ownership and run it.  Someone from the UK kindly sent us a donation for the work here so I offered it to them to use if they started a feeding programme.  Then last week we heard that they had started a lunch programme – they are going to do it once a month to start with and deliver meals to people’s homes – they went to 13 homes last week and I was SO excited that they had done it!  Next month we hope to go with them so I can get some photos to show you.  Bless their hearts. 
• We had several nights with no music last week and Saturday night was not as loud as it usually is so we are thankful for small mercies. 
• I led the Circuit Women’s Fellowship yesterday afternoon and had really encouraged as many as possible, young and old to come along to talk about how we can support each other and reach out to others – I was encouraged to have 27 women there (which believe me is a lot for this circuit!) and most amazingly of all, 22 of them were there before the start time!  Miracles can happen!  No-one said anything to me about how they felt it went (it doesn’t seem to be the done thing to encourage anyone or thank anyone here!) but the fact that they all came still encouraged me – it doesn’t take a lot! 

Under arrest!

This isn’t as bad as it sounds though it was a scary experience!  On our way back from Georgetown last week we were stopped at one of a number of regular police checks and asked for our paperwork.  They discovered that our car insurance expired at the end of July which we hadn’t twigged as the district office deal with our car paperwork and we assumed (wrongly!) that the insurance was for a year as it always is in the UK.  The police asked us to accompany them to the police station and it was a pretty scary experience!  They were talking about Mark having to go to court and making bail payment so we felt very intimidated.  Mark explained to the officer in charge what had happened and by the grace of God he took pity on us and said he would let us go if we promised to sort it out that day.  We were so thankful.  It turned out that the district office had in fact paid to renew the insurance for another 6 months but it had ‘slipped their mind’ to pass on the paperwork to us!  AAGGHH!  We are used to the disorganisation and poor time keeping causing us inconvenience and annoyance but this was the first time it could have got us into serious trouble.  Mark explained to the leaders here that if had been summoned to court on Tuesday we would have been on the plane to England on the Monday! 

Lesson learned – in future we make sure we check all our own paperwork.  We have been criticized for not checking the paperwork but in our defence and for those of you who were supporting us back then, you will remember that it was a time of extreme bewilderment, disorientation and loss so it is hardly surprising that we overlooked a date on a slip of paper!  More of a miracle that we weren’t on a plane back to the UK all those months ago with all we had to contend with.  A little pastoral care, grace and understanding goes a long way.  

Youth service

 

We continue to struggle with life here while trying to remain positive and trust God for each day.  Some days it is easier than others.  We encouraged the youth in one church to take a service with Mark a couple of weeks ago and of course when we arrived at the church not a soul had arrived before the service was meant to start.  The girl who was meant to be leading opening prayers arrived 45 mins late so missed doing that, the girl who was preaching came over an hour late and then was inappropriately dressed so I had to drive her home to change into something more modest.  The youth (who were leading the service!) gradually drifted in and finally the service got underway but we have spoken to them afterwards and expressed our disappointment that they did not take the responsibility we offered them and if they want to lead worship and make things more lively they HAVE to step up and act more maturely. 

Sex talk!

Last Wednesday we were asked to go to a district youth camp for the day to lead sessions on ‘Healthy Relationships’ which we were delighted to do.  No-one seems to speak openly about personal matters and it was great to talk about issues like pornography, dating, masturbation, marriage, domestic violence, rape, incest and other such matters in a frank way!  There were a few gasps to start with and a bit of giggling but they soon settled down and mostly listened well.  We offered prayer at the end for anyone who was struggling or needed help and one young lady (aged 16) came up to ask me to pray for her as she said her step brother had abused her when she was 11 and he was 18. 

I asked if she had told anyone and she told her mother - her mother apparently said, 'If I find out you're lying I will throw you out of this house' and nothing was done about it.  I said to her (as I'd explained in my talk) that it was not her fault - I said 'Do you understand that it was not your fault' and she shrugged and started to cry so I think she has carried the guilt of it all these years. poor girl and poor girl not being believed.  I told her I believed her and prayed for God to heal her. 

I got right on my soap box and told the girls that they must NEVER accept physical violence against them and that they have a chance to change the culture of this country by not standing for it!  I told them they are worth more than that and should not stand for it (or being raped either!).   All we can do is a drop in the ocean but maybe if it helps one person it will be worth it.  I had the girls and Mark had the boys for one session so he got to talk to the boys about how it is not acceptable to force a girl to have sex or hit her!  Sounds obvious to us but it isn't obvious here!  Mark told them to treat their women like princesses not whores!!  LOL

 

A few pics from this week - anniversary, staff day out and 'fun day'

Since writing my last blog on ‘love and marriage’ we have heard the exciting news that our younger daughter, Emily has got engaged to her boyfriend Chris.  We are so thrilled with this news – they make a perfect couple and it is exciting to be planning a trip home in the next year or so!  Mark is already fed up of me talking about weddings! 

 

Chris and Emily

 

Also since last week, we have celebrated our pearl wedding anniversary and would like to thank everyone for their good wishes.   To celebrate and try to make the day different we went to a hotel we had not previously been to – we had a lovely time there – had a swim and relaxed, ate a reasonable meal and enjoyed the hot running water!  In the 18 hours we were there I had 2 showers and a bath to make the most of it! 

Relaxing by the pool

The hotel pool

Mark and Nemo!

Going for a meal - shame about the hair!  (me not Mark!)

The hotel is near the airport so a long way from here, but meant to be one of the best in Guyana – we found it was rather overpriced for what it was and the facilities they advertise on their website and room directories were not actually present!  Typical Guyanese wishful thinking!  The website says about the rooms:

‘Relax in comfort!! Sit and enjoy a beverage from our fully stocked mini bar while captivating your eyes with a view that is simply breathtaking of our peanut shape poolside or glimpse at the lush horizon populated villages near by.’

In reality there was a fridge, but it was empty and below you can see the ‘breathtaking view’ we had from our room!! 

Breathtaking view from our room! Ha!

The website also said that the room contained a clock, radio, safe and coffee percolator but our room had none of those things!  When we checked out we asked to speak to the manager about these things and to be fair to her, she was very apologetic and let us have last night’s dinner and drinks on the house!   We have not received much quality customer service in Guyana so we were pretty impressed and intend to go back there again next time we need a break.  We did explain to her that really they need to remove things from the website and room directories if they don’t provide them as that is misleading to customers.  Hopefully they will either do that or put the things promised into the rooms! 

Last Friday we went on a staff day out to the grandly named ‘Madewini Gardens Resort’ which consisted of two pools next to a creek and a few tables and benches!   Our experience so far has shown us that people don’t tend to just do anything for ‘fun’ in the churches so I went feeling a bit heavy hearted and worried it would be a day long ‘service’ but in a different place!  We did have to have the obligatory worship session but then went in the pool and actually enjoyed the afternoon.  Mark and I were also brave and swum briefly in the creek – I was terrified as the water is black so you can’t see what it in it!  I thought to myself, ‘Well I’ve overcome a lot of fears since being here so why not?!’   I stayed in for about 3 minutes but at least I had a go!!  In this picture of Mark it seems to have blotted out his face so he looks like a ghost especially against the black water!!

Grandly named 'Madewini Gardens Resort'

By the creek

Dare I go in?!!

A ghost swimming in black water!! 

The last of this week’s pictures are from a ‘funday’ hosted by one of the churches last weekend as a fund raising activity – they had asked Mark to open the ‘funday’ at 2pm so we dutifully go there by 2pm – you’d think we’d have learned by now!!  They were nowhere near ready to start and we had to be at another meeting at 3 – so off we went to our other meeting and when we got back to the ‘funday’ about 4.30 they had started at last!!  The ‘funday’ wasn’t really our idea of fun – there was a VERY loud worship group playing so no-one could talk to each other, a few stalls selling Guyanese food (mainly chicken and rice), a merry-go-round and a couple of trampolines which all looked like they had seen better days!  We managed to stand the noise for about an hour then slipped away with ears ringing!  Everyone else seemed to be enjoying sitting listening to the music and not talking to anyone so we are glad they had a fun day and hope they raised some funds for their building project. 

The bleachers where people sat

Two dodgy looking trampolines

The merry go round

The guest worship group

 

 

Love and marriage - or who needs 54 bridesmaids?!

Over the past few weeks we have had a few occasions relating to this subject so I thought it would be interesting to share my observations! 

Historical roots

Marriage is actually not highly regarded in Afro-Guyanese culture and I have discovered that this reluctance to marry has shameful historical roots.  Apparently, plantation owners used to forbid their African slaves to marry each other and yet they forced them to breed children to increase their ‘stock’.  This tendency to have children (often by a variety of partners) has lingered to this day and so Guyana has more than its fair share of households consisting of a mother and a clutch of children, often from different fathers.  Men often have to work away overseas, in the interior or at sea so a family with a man involved is a rarity. 

Sadly, this cultural tendency has meant the spread of AIDS and sexually transmitted diseases as well as resulting in the majority of children growing up without a hands on father. 

One element of my job description is to enhance family life and part of that involves encouraging healthy relationships, commitment and enriching those marriages that do exist.  In June we ran a marriage enrichment day, teaching about issues such as good communication, resolving conflict, good sex and dealing with in-laws!  We had 6 couples attending (eventually - they drifted in throughout the morning!) and those who came seemed to find the day helpful.  It seems that in this culture it is not the norm to talk about feelings and share emotionally with each other so this day may have been a complete paradigm shift for some of them. 

Engagement

We were invited to attend an engagement party and Mark was asked to lead a short blessing ceremony.  As usual we were confused by the way social events run here – it was meant to start at 4pm and we had told them we were going to be late as Mark had another meeting that was booked before this was arranged. 

So we arrived at 5pm and still hardly anyone was there!  Finally we got going with the ceremony at about 6pm!  Meanwhile, guests that were arriving just sat around tables, not talking because the music was too loud to hear each other!  I took a photo of the bank of speakers to show you how over the top they are for a normal garden!  The DJ told Mark they are 7000 watts!  Talk about overkill!  They are big enough to fill a huge football stadium with sound and it is beyond comprehension why they need so much noise at small parties – it is painful to be near the speakers and kills all conversation and socialising.  I don’t think we will ever get used to that element of life here – no-one we talk to seems to like the loud music, especially at night, and yet no-one does anything about it! 

 

The engaged couple cutting their cake

The 7000 watt bank of speakers - is it any wonder we never get any sleep?!
 

Kwe Kwe

This is apparently a Guyanese tradition celebrated the night before a wedding.  The bride’s female family and friends party at her home, and the groom’s at his home.  At this party they eat, drink and dance, and traditionally, the older members of the family advise the bride and groom about marriage and sex!  Then at midnight, the bride has to hide somewhere in the house and the groom and his friends come to her house and search for her!   Eventually they all go home to catch a bit of sleep!  No doubt this late partying contributes to the late arrival of the bride at the wedding!!  J

Our first Guyanese wedding

Mark took his first wedding last Saturday and it was an interesting experience!  The wedding was meant to start at 3.30pm and, to be fair, the groom, his best man, and ‘groomsmaids’ (they have small children attending the groom as well) arrived at 3pm as we arrived. 

The groom, his best man and attendants arrive

The bride has to pay a late fee to the minister before the ceremony which is returned if she is on time!  (Or within about half an hour!).  This was introduced as ministers were regularly waiting around for up to 3 hours for brides to appear!   The fee is only about £20 but that is a lot to couples here – Saturday’s bride forfeited her fee as she didn’t arrive until about 5pm!  

In the lead up to the arrival of the bride, the church slowly filled up with bridesmaids.  Mark had been told that there would be 22 bridesmaids, which we thought was a lot, then at the rehearsal, 33 turned up, and on the day I counted 54!  There were definitely more than that but I lost count and extras kept turning up all through the ceremony!  I have never seen so many bridesmaids!  

What intrigued us was that the chapel was full of bridesmaids and groomsmen, but none of the couple’s family came to the service.  We were told that people don’t generally go to people’s wedding services but just wait at the reception for them to appear and start the party!  We have expressed our concern about this that the service and the making of vows is the most important part of the day so everyone should attend and people seem to think we are suggesting something strange and new! 

We have explained that in England even people who are not Christians or church goers would consider it rude to just turn up to the reception without attending the service first.  We were also shocked that during the ceremony, the bridesmaids and groomsmen seemed completely disinterested in what was happening – many were on their phones, chatting to each other or sitting looking completely bored.  One man asked Mark how long it would take before he could get to the party and Mark said, ‘The party can start once the important part is done!’  It felt to me that there was no respect or dignity about the proceedings and hope that one day I might understand. 

The beginning of the line of bridesmaids and pageboys

I couldn't resist these two little cuties!

More of the bridesmaid line up!

The arrival of the bride - only an hour and a half late!

A chapel full of bridesmaids - and no family!

As you can see they look riveted! NOT!

They look like they really didn't want to be there. :-(

A video clip showing the line of bridesmaids

During the ceremony

The happy couple

Our forthcoming anniversary!

6th August 1983!  We were SO young! 

While on the subject of love and marriage, I just want to let you know that we are celebrating our 30^th anniversary on 6^th August!  To celebrate we have already had our nice holiday but on the day we have booked a night at a local hotel so that we can have a (hopefully) nice meal and a hot shower!  A rare treat!  Here’s to the next 30 years – I hope they are not all as dramatic as this last year has been!  J

 

 

A place of acceptance

20.7.13

Many of you are aware how much I have been struggling with being over here, particularly since we hit the 6 month mark and I realised just how much longer we have got to be here with all the struggles and difficulties!  I hoped that our holiday would give me a new sense of hope and lift my spirits but in fact, returning after a wonderful relaxing break made me feel more heavy hearted.  We came back to long power cuts, dribbly showers in the dark, food overrun by ants and our bank accounts missing online and I was beginning to feel that I was slipping over the edge, as I felt joyless and lifeless. 

However, this week a few things have happened to turn that around and for the first time in ages, I have felt more positive and upbeat and have a sense of hope again – for which I am thankful to God.  I also hope that my reflections on this week will be a source of encouragement for you too, especially those of you going through troubles of your own. 

Messengers of hope

The first thing that God used to lift my spirits was a wonderful email of encouragement from Emily along with the words and link to a beautiful hymn (I’ll include the words of the hymn at the end of this post).  Having reflected on Emily’s message and the hymn it has made me realise that home comforts aren’t everything and that God is using this time to teach me that he is enough for me – in fact all week I keep reading things that say ‘God is enough’ so I know he is trying to tell me something! 

It also made me realise that it is not right to wish my time here away – that time and life are precious even if things are hard, and that I must appreciate each moment.  I think I have been looking at the UK through rose coloured spectacles since living here and thinking ‘if only I was back in England, everything would be ok’.  I had a real sense that God said to me, ‘Do you REALLY think everything would be wonderful if you were living and working in England?’  Since having the internet we have been able to watch the BBC news most days and as we sit shouting at the computer screen, just as we used to shout at the TV when we were back home, it makes us realise that the UK is certainly not without its issues!!

I have realised afresh that life is never without its problems and ups and downs wherever you live and I am once again aware of the people I love back home going through difficulties that are different to mine but just as hard to deal with.   In all their problems the home comforts can’t help them but thankfully God can!

Things could be a lot worse!

Someone said to me a few weeks ago, ‘Always remember things could be a lot worse!’  I laughed at the time but it is true – we do have so much to be thankful for and although I don’t want to become ‘Pollyanna-ish’ I do want to count my blessings every day.  I am so thankful that we are not living under oppression or persecution, that we have freedom and resources to occasionally have a break from this life (something most people here never get), that we live in a nice home compared to most here, that we have plenty to eat, enough money to live on and spare to give away, that we are wonderfully supported and loved by all our friends and family back home and best of all that God loves us and has a purpose for us in being here. 

 I heard a sermon on Wednesday in which the preacher said that we can’t judge whether or not God is with us via our senses – if we look at our circumstances things can look bleak and we can imagine God has forgotten us but if we need to experience God’s presence in our spirits and then no matter what the circumstances we can find peace and joy. 

Fasting from the West

Another email this week from a fellow Mission Partner also encouraged me.  My friend quoted from a book she is reading about pilgrimages and it said,

'this kind of journey is a kind of a fast, a denial of self as an act of spiritual obedience. When Jesus went to the desert, he was tested in three ways: provision, relationships and power and when we choose to go on a journey/pilgrimage/mission we must face these same three issues. There's the rejection of material worries; we aren't particularly wealthy, so when we go on a trip we have to count the cost, and decide to go even though it may cause us financial difficulties. Secondly, there's a voluntary surrendering of our relationships; we have to separate our selves from our family and loved ones. And finally, there's a refusal to take power; we're not going 'in strength' to offer something of ourselves, instead we're going in weakness and in a denial of personal power.'

Before we even came to Guyana we felt that God was calling us to fast from the West for this period of time and there is no doubt that it is hard to deal with at times and I do feel like an alien in a strange land.  But as Emily said in her message, ‘…it's supposed to be hard, because that's what makes it worthwhile.’

Cats and daughters

Another profound thought came from an unexpected place this week as I have been reading a book about cats and daughters!  The author goes to stay with her daughter in Sri Lanka living amongst the poor and writes a description of the Western tourists she observes at a tea plantation.  She talks about they huddle together for safety in this alien environment and ‘reassure each other that theirs is the real world.’

She observes them in a frenzy in the café and gift shop eating everything in sight and buying up the shop and says that they are ‘Hungry, always hungry for food and shopping’  And then talking about people in a consumerist culture she says they are ‘…not fully alive, incapable of appreciating the present moment…in a constant state of rage and desire.’  That really challenged me because I realised that’s just what I have been like in feeling I need nice food and drink to survive and that I haven’t been appreciating the present moment but always looking forward to a supposed better day coming.  I don’t want to live my life like that and wish it away. 

Embracing the positive

I realise that I have been quite negative and full of self pity over the past few weeks and have said sorry to God for that – I also apologise to you my readers if you have got fed up of hearing about it all and thank you for your patient support!

I have been constantly praying for God to take this ‘cup’ away from me and let me go home but this week I feel I have come to a place of acceptance and although I would be delighted if for some reason we had to be pulled out and sent home, I am going to try once again to take up my cross willingly and as cheerfully as I can! 

The difficulties, frustrations and irritations have not gone away (and in fact since the first draft of this blog things seem to have become even more annoying – including our internet getting cut off – hence the delay in uploading this post!) but I am trusting God to help me through each day and I pray he continues to do so – I certainly can’t do this on my own.  Despite the ups and downs of this journey I am so thankful for all the signs of God’s grace this week and all the different ways he has spoken to me, challenged me and comforted me.  I pray that as you listen to this hymn and read the words they may be a comfort and a challenge to you too.  Please email me if you want to share any thoughts or needs for prayer with me – I always love to hear from people!

 

PS We are going to our first Guyanese wedding on Saturday so that will be the subject of my next post!!  

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3iU8yXzsejc 

Jesus, I My Cross Have Taken

1. Jesus, I my cross have taken,
All to leave and follow Thee.
Destitute, despised, forsaken,
Thou from hence my all shall be.
Perish every fond ambition,
All I’ve sought or hoped or known.
Yet how rich is my condition!
God and heaven are still my own.

2. Let the world despise and leave me,
They have left my Savior, too.
Human hearts and looks deceive me;
Thou art not, like them, untrue.
O while Thou dost smile upon me,
God of wisdom, love, and might,
Foes may hate and friends disown me,
Show Thy face and all is bright.

3. Man may trouble and distress me,
’Twill but drive me to Thy breast.
Life with trials hard may press me;
Heaven will bring me sweeter rest.
Oh, ’tis not in grief to harm me
While Thy love is left to me;
Oh, ’twere not in joy to charm me,
Were that joy unmixed with Thee.

4. Go, then, earthly fame and treasure,
Come disaster, scorn and pain"
In Thy service, pain is pleasure,
With Thy favor, loss is gain
I have called Thee Abba Father,
I have stayed my heart on Thee
Storms may howl, and clouds may gather;
All must work for good to me.

5. Soul, then know thy full salvation
Rise o’er sin and fear and care
Joy to find in every station,
Something still to do or bear.
Think what Spirit dwells within thee,
Think what Father’s smiles are thine,
Think that Jesus died to win thee,
Child of heaven, canst thou repine.

6. Haste thee on from grace to glory,
Armed by faith, and winged by prayer.
Heaven’s eternal days before thee,
God’s own hand shall guide us there.
Soon shall close thy earthly mission,
Soon shall pass thy pilgrim days,
Hope shall change to glad fruition,
Faith to sight, and prayer to praise